What are Your Love Relationships Mirroring To You?
Do You Keep Attracting Relationships That Don't Work?
Love can sometimes be seen as a feeling that we act out when we are having the feelings of love. That is a correct glimpse of love but it is short sighted to think that all of us love in one specific way. What may be actions of love to one person may be actions of not being loved to another. Opening our awareness to the many possibilities of loving and being loved can open the doors of personal, spiritual and soul fulfillment.
Does having your partner buy you flowers make you feel loved? Does having your partner gently stroke your arm bring you feelings that you are loved? We all process love and being loved in our own unique way. Again, what may be love to another may not be your experience in being loved. So often, we love based on our perception of the world – our past, our present and our future. If your past was ridden with negative role models concerning love than how you love someone else and how you need to be loved may be distorted or an illusion. If our past was filled with openly loving people through there own actions and deeds lived love on a daily basis than love probably comes to you in a simple straightforward manner.
Women and Men
Who Love Too Much!
1. You come from a home where your own emotional needs were not met. Alcohol, drugs, compulsive eating or working, constant arguing, refusal to talk, and/or extreme rigidity were the norm.
2. Having received little nurturing, you try to fill this unmet need vicariously by becoming a caregiver (especially to people or projects that appear in some way to be needy).
3. Because your parent(s) couldn't be turned into warm caretakers, you respond deeply to emotionally unavailable people whom you try to change.
4. Terrified of abandonment, you will do anything to keep a relationship from dissolving.
5. Almost nothing is too much trouble, takes too much time or is too expensive if it will "help" the person or project that you are involved in.
6. Accustomed to lack of love, you are wiling to wait, hope and try harder to please.
7. You are willing to take far more than 50% of the blame, responsibility and guilt for what happens.
8. You do not believe deep down inside that you deserve to be happy. You believe that you must earn the right to be enjoy life.
9. Having experienced little security in childhood, you have a desparate need to control people and things. You mask this by being "helpful" (offering unasked for advice, opinions or criticism).
10. You are much more intouch to your dreams of how things could be - than in touch with the reality of the situation.
11. You are addicted to emotional pain
12. You may be predisposed emotionally and biochemically to becoming addicted to drugs, alcohol, and/or certain foods--(particularly sugary ones).
13. By being drawn to people with problems that need fixing, or by being emeshed in situations that are chaotic, uncertain, and emotionally painful, you avoid focusing on your responsibility to yourself.
14. You may have a tendency of episodes of depression which you try to forestall through the excitement provided by external chaos.
15. If female/male you are not attracted to men/women who are kind, stable, reliable, and interested in you. You find such nice men/women boring.
excerpted from Women Who Love Too Much by Robin Norwood.
I talked with a client this morning that processes love as being angry towards the people that she loves. Her past experience on being loved is that love is hurtful, love is disappointing. If you have the internal message that....this person will probably not love me in a way that will make me happy than that is exactly what you will get. A partial love usually exists because the holder of that emotion sets up scenes and dialogues that will prove her/himself right. We love from our subconscious minds. The love in our conscious minds is the emotions of love because our emotions are tied so closely to the surface of our skin. Do you love from your subconscious or do you love from your conscious mind or a combination of both.
If you subconscious mind and conscious mind are in conflict regarding love than your love will take on a “mixed signal” kind of pattern. If you subconscious mind says – I don’t deserve to be loved” and your conscious mind says “I want and need to be loved” than that is a mixed signal and you will probably attract a love partner that will give you half of the signals of love and you will block the other half of the signals or accept them as your own person truth based on a deeper negative belief. Conflict in our minds can be the culprit for only getting half of what we want. It depends on any given day which half wins and which half wins in a specific circumstance.
If you do not feel worthy of being loved than it is a high probability that you will attract a partner who is a bit aloof, a bit distant or sends you mixed signals.
If you feel like a victim in love than you will recreate the “why” of that emotion by attracting partners who will show you are right about your perception of being a victim. Being a victim just means that you feel weak or powerless to effect change in any given situation and/or circumstance. You will most definitely attract that partner who will either withhold love or for their own myriad of reasons is not able to be loved.
If you feel like you are always right and everyone else is always wrong than you will attract a partner that will prove to you that you are always right and they are always wrong. Therefore you could easily slip into being the persecutor in the relationship to prove yourself right.
If you are afraid of intimacy or are uncomfortable with being touched than you in all probability would attract a partner to you that is emotionally distant or not touchy feely to mirror this emotion coming from yourself first. If the Universe is trying to help you overcome your fear of intimacy you certainly could attract a very touchy feely person to help you release the fear of intimacy in this lifetime so you can enjoy the physical aspects of a love relationship.
If your internal message is – “things never work out for me in love” do not be surprised is you manifest that as well. You would begin a relationship under that premise and once again your will have to prove your subconcious mind right about that perception. You will probably view the negative things happening in a relationship quite quickly and sometimes fail to recognize the positive that is actually occurring. What you will expect is what you will get.
If you are a rescuer or fix it type of person than be prepared to attract people who may have problems with self responsibility and personal accountability. The kind who need rescuing are those who are not taking responsibility and ownership of their own lives and are a mess. If you are having a need to rescue or fix than look within to potential problems of being able to receive love and accept love. If you have difficulties with being loved the rescuer or fix it person can keep themselves busy for a long time trying to repair another human being so as to divert energy and focus away from themselves.
If you subconcious mind is based on fear and paranoia do not be surprised is you attract a partner that could have problems with loyalty and fidelity. If you keep attracting a straying partner for two or more relationships than please do take a look at your own internal thoughts and expectations. This is Spirit perhaps mirroring back to you what you need to work on. Perhaps you don’t trust yourself and are afraid of yourself thereby posing it outwardly through attracting repeated infidelity to you through inappropriate partners.
What are your love relationships mirroring to you? If you are mirroring to another person a sense of balance within yourself that person will probably mirror back to you a consistency in their actions, deeds and words. If you are manifesting fear of loss than that person could be feeling apprehensive towards you and they may not know why. Our partners pick up our energy and get feelings from us. Do an analysis of your feelings and what you may be projecting out to your love partner. When you think of someone do you feel a sense of peace or rightness about them? If you do than that is how they are feeling towards you. If you are thinking about someone and you feel angry towards them than they are most likely feeling angry towards you? Monitor your self talk about yourself in the relationship; towards you love partner and your general viewpoints regarding love and relationships.
Don’t assume that your partner knows how to love you? In a loving and informative way show your partner how you need to be loved. If you need words to feel loved than engage your partner in healthy dialogue. If you need to receive gifts, flowers or taken to dinner in order to feel loved than speak up and arrange those types of encounters to feel your love tank. Our partners are not mind readers thereby it is to a certain degree up to us to educate them on what works for us. On the other side of the coin, research your partner and take note of what seems to work for them in how you love them. If you notice a positive reaction when you cook a special meal than for that person that is how they feel and interpret being loved.
Love just doesn’t happen. In the beginning stages of a relationship most of the relationship is being based on emotions. Once past the “emotional” stage it gets down to filling up each other’s love tanks. Remember that how you need to be loved and shown that you are loved may be different for your partner. So, self assessment on what will make you happy and time devoted to what will make them happy is a proactive approach to two people filling up each other’s love tanks. For the love ghosts that may be holding you back in attracting a suitable love meet your deficiencies head on and release down your grounding cord. Fill yourself up with the opposite positive emotions so you can begin manifesting more of what you do want versus what you don’t want. You attract to you relationships that fit you! There is a law of attraction in this area of our life. Dysfunctional people attract dysfunctional people, and healthy people attract healthy people.
Who are you mirroring or attracting in your life? Below is a list of relationship patterns that you may be caught up in or manifesting over and over again in your love partners either from false beliefs or past conditioning and role models in childhood.
•the selfish one and the selfless one •the perfectionist and the guilty people-pleaser •the detached one and the one who is afraid of real intimacy •the emotionally unavailable person and the one who has been abandoned all her life •the one with the negative self-image and the critical one •the self-centered one and the giver •the narcissistic one and the flatterer •the overly “good girl” and the “bad boy”
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